How To Handle Your Overwhelm

I know you are feeling so overwhelmed right now. 

There is so much information coming at you, so many decisions you need to make. Everyone has an opinion about what you should do and how you should do it. In some cases you asked for help and then regretted it because you were flooded with information. Then other times you don’t ask but they offer up their advice and suggestions. You’re to the point now where it is all just noise and you have no idea what to do. So this is where you stay. Overwhelmed and confused. 

I’ve been there. 

And do you know what I’ve learned. Over whelm and confusion are a choice. It’s an option. An option we don’t have to choose. And when we do choose overwhelm and confusion we are actually just indulging in the emotion. Much like we indulge in a big bowl of ice cream after a hard day. 

When we indulge in feeling overwhelmed or confused, we give ourselves permission to not have to make any moves. To stay stuck. Which is actually much more comfortable to us that stepping out into the unknown. We don’t have to make the phones calls, have the conversations, send the emails, fill out the paperwork, do the research, or make the decisions. And we use up so much precious time and energy when we stay in these emotions. We lose time in the confusion and deplete our energy with all the circles we run in our heads.

It’s not actually the things them selves that we should do and it’s not the information itself that is coming at us that is making us feel overwhelmed. It’s what we are thinking about all that information and the things we need to do. It’s what we are thinking it will mean if we do or don’t do those things. 

We’re thinking things like

I have to get it all done. 

There is so much to do. 

I might do the wrong thing. 

They know better than I do.

I might make the wrong choice. 

I don’t have time to do it all. 

I don’t know how to do it.

I don’t know where to start. 

I can’t do this. 

No wonder overwhelm and confusion stick around. 

Okay, take a breath. 

Exhale. 

Now, try thinking about these things for a moment. 

Overwhelm is a choice and I don’t have to choose overwhelm.

I have the exact amount of time I need to get things done.

There is no wrong decision.

I can ask for that information again when I get there if I still need it. 

I can decide to take their advice. 

I can also decide not to. 

I am learning my way through.

I only need to take the next small step.

Did you feel the load of overwhelm start to lighten? Did your shoulders lose a little weight? 

Pick one of these thoughts or something similar to go back to through out your day. This will help you take the single next step and then the next and the next. One small step at a time and before you know it, you’ll be out on the other side with all this behind you. 

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. You got this. I can show you how if you would like. Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com. We'll take it one step at a time.

Finding Your New Normal

You have a challenge before you. 

You are learning to find your new normal. 

It’s going to be a bumpy road ahead. 

It’s going to take a little time to settle in. But you will get there.  

It will all come together again. 

You will find your new routine. 

You’ll find new joys. 

Things won’t ever be the same as they once were and that’s ok. 

From time to time it’ll feel familiar. It’ll feel like the good ol’ days. You can linger in that beautiful connection of the past and the present, but don’t linger there too long or you will miss these days. 

I know you aren’t sure how you are going to re-establish yourself, how you are going to navigate this new place you find yourself in. I also know you have all the answers you need. 

Think for a moment about the future you who has already done it. The you 2 years from now on the other side of this. Ask her, how she did it.  Ask her what steps she took. What things worked for her and what things didn’t. You will be so amazed at the wisdom she has. 

What would she tell you to do today? 

Would she tell you not to worry, it all works out? 

Would she tell you get more sleep? 

Or maybe watch a little less tv? 

Perhaps she would tell you to be confident in your decisions. 

Pray and have faith. 

Or make that phone call. 

She might also tell you to have compassion for yourself and those around you. 

Not to be overwhelmed and start with just committing to 1 day. 

Does she tell you to just keep putting on foot in front of the other? 

Does she tell you to go for a short walk? 

Does she tell you determination looks much better on you than self-pity? 

Does she tell you to ask for help?

Right now very well may be a challenge and you may be trying to figure out your new normal. But you know exactly how to get through it. You have all the resources you need. When you get stuck or are unsure, ask your future self. She’ll tell you what to do next. 

It will all come together. You will settle in.

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. I would love to know what your future self is telling you. Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com and let me know.

The Task I Was Given

I’ve been given the task writing 30 blogs in 30 days. 

I’ve found myself resisting it in some very interesting ways. Telling myself “I’m not a blog writer.” (Proving this by not knowing the term is blogger until it’s pointed out to me in my edits.) “I only do things short and sweet.”  “A social media post is the lengthiest thing I do.” “ My blogs will be short and sweet to the point. So really I’ve been writing my posts all along in Facebook group posts. “

My coach encouraged me to do some thought work around blogging in general and question these thoughts with curiosity. When I sat down to do so I discovered I wanted to avoid the work. Writing does not sound fun to me in anyway. I try to avoid it as much as possible in fact. I just don’t like it. Of course my brain didn’t want to present it that way though. I could be considered lazy or unwilling, maybe even entitled to grow without actually having to do the work. 

Our brains are so sneaky that way. Finding ways to justify what we don’t want to do. What we think we shouldn’t have to do. 

The amazing thing about this is that we were created with the ability to think about our own thinking. That’s what we do in coaching. We learn how to notice our thoughts. We learn how to question them with curiosity. We learn what thoughts we want to keep and which thoughts we want to throw away. We learn what kind of impact our thoughts have on our lives. They have a much bigger impact than you would think.

I’m curious to know, what’s the thing that’s been asked of you? 

What sneaky thoughts are you having? 

Sometimes they’re thoughts like “I don’t have enough time.” “I can’t make that kind of commitment right now.” “I don’t do that.” “I can’t do that.” 

This can all be very valid. Sometimes we genuinely don’t have the time and can’t make the commitment. But they are also worth exploring a little more. Other times we may find we don’t want to make the time or we don’t want to commit. We want to stay comfortable or don’t want to do the work it takes.

So here I am. 31 days later finding myself typing along after taking a little time to look at the thoughts I was having about writing 30 blogs in 30 days. After gently questioning myself, I had decided to change these thoughts to “I’m willing to do the things that don’t sound fun.” “I can do things even if I don’t like them. “ “I can even find a way to like it and make it fun if I want.“

Turns out, I had a lot I wanted to say to you. 
Important things that needed to be said:
Your lovable
Your amazing
Thank you
You can do hard things
You get decide 
And You are seen

This has me wondering what other things is the world missing out on because we resist the task at hand? No I know, it's always worth a second thought.

Thank you for reading along.

 Who knows maybe I’m a blogger after all.

Love you madly. 

Leslie

P.S. Having trouble doing things that are asked of you? Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.comI can help.

I Know You Do This When You Are Unhappy

I know you don’t like to be unhappy. 

You don’t like to feel bored, sad, hurt or unwanted or stressed. And so you try to do whatever you can to avoid it. Working late at night, so you don’t have to be at home and face rejection. Eating ice cream because ice cream makes everything better. Drinking a glass or 2 of wine or a couple beers to relax from all the stress of the day.

We try to avoid our negative emotions. We try to push them away. So we seek pleasure to avoid it at all cost. Really what we are doing is seeking a temporary pleasure, a false pleasure in effort to dull the way we feel. For some it’s overworking, over eating, over drinking. Others it may be Netflix, social media, porn, or video games. It could even be over exercising. It could be a combination of these together. 

This is called buffering. 

We buffer when we want to put space between our emotions and us or to avoid an emotion all together. Instead of feeling the hurt, rejection or stress we do something that we think will make us feel better. And may, for a fleeting moment. 

Imagine an empty wine glass. If you were to tap a knife to that glass it would vibrate quite a bit. Now imagine you filled it with m&m’s and then tap it with the knife again. It wouldn’t vibrate as much because it’s full. This is what buffering does in our body.

Only more times the not, these things end up making us feel even worse afterward. We over work and spend less time at home giving us no possible chance for any connection which is what we really want. We feel awful for eating the ice cream and if we are doing it often enough gain weight which makes us feel worse. We don’t like the way we feel after drinking, we feel dehydrated and end up with headaches. We spend more time in front of a screen and get nothing accomplished then we feel behind and disorganized. 

We shame ourselves on top of everything. And once this activity is over, we still have the original feeling we were trying to avoid in the first place piled under all the negative side effects. 

So how do we fix this you ask? We learn how to feel our emotions. 

I know, I know. I just heard the hard exhale of yours. That doesn’t sound fun. And who wants to feel emotions anyway?  I have to tell you friend. This is the best thing you can ever learn how to do. When you discover the worst thing that can happen is an emotion in your body and you know how to handle any emotion. Everything changes. You have more confidence and strength. You can work through anything and you will get more done. 

So how do I do it? I’m so glad you asked. 

Ask your self what am I feeling right now?

Where do I feel this in my body?

Is it big or small?

Light or heavy?

Is it fast or slow?

Is it tight or loose?

If it had a color what would it be?

Learning to feel your emotions is so worth it. Go on, give it a try through out the week and let me know how it goes!

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. Have questions or want someone to help you stop buffering? I can help. Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com

The Questions You Ask

I see all the questions you have in your head.

Your asking yourself 

Why can’t I get it together? 

What’s wrong with me? 

Why can’t I make this change? 

Why do I always do this? 

Why do I always go back to the beginning? 

Why can’t I loose the weight? 

Why can’t I stay committed? 

Why can’t I get everything done? 

Why is this happening to me? 

Did you know the quality of your life is directly related to the quality of your questions?

When we ask questions we naturally seek answers. The problem here is when you ask these types of questions, you are likely going to get many negative answers. Which help keep you stuck.

When we are willing to change the questions we ask ourselves to questions like these: 

What’s one thing I can do to pull this together? 

What’s right about me? 

How can I learn from this? 

How can I become more organized? 

What can I love about my body the way it is right now? 

Who do I want to be in this? 

We are still going to look for answers. This time however, the answers will help to propel us in the direction we want to go. These questions will create movement for us. We will begin to find reasons to continue to commit and create the future you are wanting. 

Which do you prefer? To stay stuck always trying to over come the same things over and over, finding all the reasons you can’t or don’t? Or to create movement, taking steps toward the life you want. Finding joy and peace in the process? 

Here is what I love about being human. 

You get to decide. 

You get to make the choice for yourself. 

You don’t have to do one or the other. 

But I highly recommend that you choose the second. It will serve you and your dreams soo much better. It will help you to weather the storm instead of being swept away by it. It will get you so much closer to where you want to be. 

Yep, the quality of your life is directly related to the quality of the questions you ask yourself. 

Are you ready to elevate it and take it to the next level?

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. If you are ready to elevate your life with better questions, I can help.  I have opened up 3 spot for free coaching next week. Email me to claim yours. Leslie.canup@gmail.com

Self Made

So often we say we are self made. That no one helped us get to where we are.  We did it all on our own. Or, we think we should be self made. That we should do everything on our own. I would like to challenge that. I believe none of us are self made. 

We are all made from the people who have gone before us. The people we have done life with. Those who have loved us well and the those who didn’t. The people who raised us and the people who didn’t. The people we respect. The people we admire. The people we disrespect. The people we don’t like. The perfect strangers our paths have crossed. They have all helped shape us. 

They have taught us who we want to be. They have taught us who we don’t want to be. They have also shown us the possibilities of who we could be, both good or bad. 

Those who have loved us well taught us how to love. Those who have not loved us well, have taught us the same. They have all had a part in making us who we are. 

It is impossible to become who we are or who we want to be all on our own. We are made by standing on the backs of others. Living or dead. They have shaped us. None of us are self-made. 

When we think of the people in our lives that were not there for us we think they had nothing to do with our success, but often times, they had more impact than we realized. Many times we had thoughts like “I don’t want to be like them.” Or we think something like “I’ll show them I can make it.” So really they very much so made you who you are because they showed you who you are not or they became the motivation to do that thing. 

Imagine if you could thank them for that, if you had genuine gratitude towards them for helping you to call out the best of yourself. The only thing you have to lose, is gratitude. 

Yep, None of us are self-made. We accomplish all we accomplish because of the people who were there beside us and because of the people who weren’t. We built our knowledge based on where those who went before us left off. 

It’s impossible to be self made.

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. Who were the people who made you? I loved to hear about it. Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com

What Were You Thinking

I see you there, questioning why you have taken on the role you have. Thinking how great it would be to go back to waiting on tables or being a cashier. You wouldn’t have so many people watching you. So many eyes on you. You would only have to worry about you, your life and not carrying the weight of everyone else. Not having to pretend you’re something that right now you’re not. Not having to make so many decisions. 

Your thinking “Oh, how much easier life would be if….”

Can I be real with you for a moment. It would likely be easier. 

Easier...until...it’s not. 

Eventually things would get hard again. There would be other situations that will come up. Other things that will happen that will be hard. That’s the way life is. No matter who you are or what you are doing, it’s going to get hard. It’s going to get uncomfortable. 

So why did you take on the role of leadership that you did? You know, the day you said yes to what you are doing. What made you excited about it? What hopes did you have for it? 

Chances are it was because you wanted to  have an impact.You wanted to make a difference. Guess what my friend, in this hard place you have that opportunity to make a difference and have an impact just by being you. There is even a possibility, this is the place the you will make the biggest impact in your role.

I recently heard someone say “It’s not the situation they are watching, but the way it’s being handled.” 

So there is no need to stress or worry about everything that is going on around you right now. Instead decided who you want to be in the middle of it all and be that person. 

This role you have right now, this place of leadership you are standing in, I know sometimes it can be hard. 

But don’t forget what’s on the other side of hard. 

It’s Strength. Wisdom. Celebration.  

Yea, things would be easier if you went back to waiting tables. They would be easier until they aren’t. No matter what your doing it’s going to get hard and uncomfortable. So you may as well pick the one that comes with the most fulfillment. 

Knowing you, that’s being right where you are. 

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. There are times we need someone to come along side us to help us remember why we do what we do. I can do that for you. Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com I’ll show you how.