The Goal Is Still Possible

So you set your goals 3 months ago. 

It was a new year full of new possibilities. 

You believed hard that this was going to be the year. 

This was going to be the year that you would loose the weight. The year you would get your finances in order. 

The year you would make more connections with the people you love. 

And here you are, already a quarter of the year has come and gone. The weight still there, the finances still in a bit of disorder and your starting to feel like your farther away from connection than you were at the start of the year.  You don’t understand what happened. Time has already flown by and you have little progress. You ask yourself "What happened?" 

So often we start the year out with so many ideas and hopes and dreams. We set goals but then we don’t do the most important part. We don’t make a solid plan for the execution of the goal. We don’t prepare ahead of time for when we will have obstacles or how we can over come our own objects. And lastly we aren’t willing believe it will happen even when we don’t have immediate results. 

We aren’t prepared to overcome the temptation of eating that cake at the party, spending money on take out because we’re just to worn out to cook or deciding to only spending 1 hour on that project so that we have the rest of the night to connect with family. We also give up because we have been trying so hard for 3 or 4 weeks and we don’t see any progress. 

But here’s the good news.

It’s not too late.

It’s not too late to go all in on that goal. We can still choose to believe that it is possible this year. And here is how you can make it happen.

Plan and make decisions ahead of time. Decide now what you will do when you go to that party. 

Decide now what you will make for dinner on those nights you want to grab take out. 

Decide now how much time you want to commit to connecting with people and what you will do when something else needs your attention during that time. 

Decide now that you are willing to keep believing hard and doing the work even when you don’t yet see evidence of progress. 

If you decide now what you will do then, you’ll be ready in the moment when your faced with opposition. Most importantly you must honor that decision. If you made plans to have tend the garden with Joanna Gains, you wouldn’t cancel. Give yourself the same respect and commitment. 

Many people start scratching off their dreams instead of scratching off their excuses. But not you. No, you recommit. 

So yea, you may be three months in and not made any progress with your goal. 

But the year is not over yet. 

You can still rock it. 

Let’s do this. 

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. Not sure what obstacles you may face or how to honor your decisions let chat. I can help you. Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com

The Structure We Must Place On The Foundation

So there’s something I must tell you. 

If you've been reading along with me as I've been posting then you know about the foundation for my coaching. That I believe the foundation for everything is for you to know you are 100% loveable. ( If your new here stop reading this right now and click here to go back to the very beginning. You can come right back but you must start there! )

While that is the foundation, this is the structure on which all other things should be built around. Are you ready for it? 
Here goes…

Not only are you 100% loveable, but so is every other person you know. And every person you don’t know that lives on this planet. They are. 
Even the ones you don’t like. Even the ones you have trouble with. 
They are 100% loveable. 

I want you to imagine for just a moment what it might be like to be them and read my very first post. Think for a moment how it felt for you to know those words were written for you, what that might feel like for them to know those words were written for them. 

When you think of that person and their lovability you may think about all the things they do wrong or don’t do well is what determines how loveable they are. But it’s not. They are 100% loveable all the time no matter what. But really the thing which determines how much you love them is your ability to love. 

Here me out on this. When we have genuine unconditional love for someone we can love them no matter who they are or what they have done. We can have compassion for them even when they aren’t doing a very good job. 

Having unconditional love for someone does not mean that we are condoning anything. Sometimes love says no. When love says no it is love, not anger, not resentment, not hate. 

I love the example of a child wanting candy for dinner. You don’t tell him no because you are angry, resent him or hate him. You tell him know because you know it is not good for them. It’s not good for fuel for their body. They need something healthy instead. 

It’s the same thing for loving others. We can love them unconditionally and still say no to them. Still set boundaries. Still choose to put space between us and them. 

It is so much better when it is done from a place of love. 

People say love hurts. I use to think that too. Until I learned love never hurts. It’s the absence of love that hurts. 

So yea, that person, that one you are struggling with, they are 100% loveable. There is nothing that can change that. If you aren’t able to love them well, that is because your ability to love is limited. I know this can be a very hard concept to really grab ahold of. But when we are willing to work at it everything opens up for us. Then the choices we make today will still be good for all of our tomorrows.

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. Need help loving the unlovable? Lets chat. Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com.

Dealing With Toxic People

There are no toxic people.

Say what?!

No really. It’s true. 

Often times we go around saying “I can’t stand being around them. They’re so toxic.”

But really, they’re not. 

I know your thinking “This can’t be true.” Or “she just doesn’t know so-n-so.” 

But really, it's true. 

So lets think about so-n-so for a moment. 

Is it your spouse? A parent? A sibling? An in-law? A neighbor? Maybe a co-worker? That one friend in the friend group? 

Think about the last time you were with them. Were they negative? Did they gossip? Were they judgmental? Did they have a lot of drama? Did you think they were a narcissist?

 Maybe they were all those things. 

Here’s a perspective that I want to offer you. You see, when we are around other people, the things they say and do really only bring out what’s going in ourselves.

When someone is negative we usually become negative about their negativity.

When they gossip, we usually gossip to others about how much they gossip.

When they are judgmental we are most definitely judging them for judging others.

And all that drama they seem to have, we get dramatic about how much drama they always have. 

I think this one is fascinating- we get narcissistic about them making every thing all about them. We want them to make things about us or the things we want to talk about. 

Think about that for a minute.

Do you see the pattern here? 

We actually think, do or become the exact thing we think is toxic about them.

Did that just blow your mind? Lets read that again and really let it sink in.

We actually think, do or become the exact thing we think is toxic about them.

There are no toxic people. There are only toxic thoughts. And those thoughts belong to us.  The good news is our thoughts are optional. Yep, we can choose to think what-ever we want. So when we are thinking someone is toxic, essentially we are giving ourselves the poison that we think they have.

So crazy right?!

So how do we stop giving ourselves this poison? By managing our minds. I know your thinking well that’s all well and good but what about so-n-so and the way they are behaving. 

My friend, we cannot control other people. If we could then I would totally teach you how. It just doesn’t work that way. So we let them be exactly who they are. We can however, control ourselves. We can manage our minds and set up proper boundaries. ( I will get into what a proper boundary is and is not in another post. )

So how do we manage our minds around these people? We think on purpose. We get intentional with our thoughts. We can also get curious. Get curious about why they say or do these things. Become fascinated with them. I will tell you it is really difficult to get upset or frustrated when you’re fascinated and curious.  

Try it. Let me know how it goes.

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. Need help managing your mind around so-n-so? Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com. Let’s talk it out.

Good-Bye Dream

I see the life you dreamed of.  You had in your mind this idea of what your life is supposed to be like. What your marriage was supposed to be like. What your kids lives were supposed to be like. It includes you being happy all the time. Them being happy all the time.  You’ve created a lovely and beautiful fantasy of how it should be, and yet. It’s not. Here’s what you may not know about this, you may not realize that holding onto that fantasy is what’s making everything so difficult and challenging now.

I’ve done this. In fact my coach just recently showed me how I was doing this for my daughter with her high-school experience. And after talking with her I realized I've done this will all my kids. I had this beautiful life planned out for them, and it did not include moving so many times or so many different schools. It did not include the struggle of trying to find their place over and over again, many times being unsuccessful. 

Something my coach pointed out to me was I‘ve been holding onto that dream for them way to tight. I had done the work of letting go of all things this meant for me to have moved so much. But I was still holding onto it for my kids. It’s all with good intentions and out of so much love for them. Who doesn’t want good things for the people we love? But holding on to those dreams for them was causing me to miss all the goodness that is right here in front of us. Which was affecting them as well.

And so the process of letting go begins. 

With letting go, there is grief. 

There is mourning.  

I’ve experienced more than my fair share of loss (you can read a little bit about that on my get to know me page here.) Something I have learned, is grieving is a gift we give ourselves. It allows us to say goodbye. It gives us permission to accept that our relationship with that person, that place, that thing, even that dream is now complete. It opens the door for us to walk into the beauty of what is now. 

I’ve also learned how to mourn intentionally and on purpose. Instead of being re-active to grief I am pro-active. I can use it to better myself. 
So can you.  

So yea, I see the life you dreamed of for yourself and for others that didn’t quite turn out to be. It’s ok to say good-bye to it. 

Not sure where to start? Do this one simple thing. Write down 5 things that you’re grateful for that you have right now. Things, people, experiences you wouldn’t have if that dream had been your reality. 
Tell that dream thank you for these things. 

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. If you knew this is your perfect journey then... you can relax. Need a little help with your good-bye? Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com

Between the Rock and Hard Place

I see you there. Stuck between that rock and a hard place. 

You make hard decisions everyday for the people you lead. 

But this. This is different. This is personal. 

Your being forced to make a decision that causes you to pick between two of the most important things in your life. Perhaps even between two of the most important people in your life. You feel like your heart is torn. But you have to choose. You have to decide. 

On top of the heartache overwhelm begins to set in. You start asking yourself How can I possibly make this decision? I have to decide and I can’t. 

Queue frustration and irritation. The question then becomes Why does it have to be this way? Why do I have to be in this place? Why do I have to choose? 

This frustration then begins to breed anger, blame and resentment. The questions turn to shoulds.  The people involved should be more understanding. They should be helping me. They shouldn’t have been there. They shouldn't have done that. 

By now the anger, blame and resentment directed at others then becomes directed at your self. I should have handled that differently and we wouldn’t be in this place. I should have seen this coming. I shouldn’t have allowed that to happen. I should have been stronger. I should have known better. I should be able to handle this and I can't.

Enter self-pity. Yep it’s right on time with thoughts like 

I can’t do anything right. and 

This. Is. All. My. Fault.

So there you sit. 

With self pity piled on top of blame, 

which is piled on top of resentment, 

which is piled on top of more blame,

which is piled on top of anger,

which is piled on top of overwhelm,

which is piled on top of heartache.

The decision becomes so much harder to make. 

You can’t think straight. You’re not sure which way to turn. 

Your head just spins. 

Yea I see you there in the middle of this difficult decision. 

And here’s what I want you to know first and foremost.  

You are loved. 

Now, I want to ask you a question. Go with me on this. What if there was no wrong choice? What if there was no bad choice?

What if both choices had the very best outcome? 

Which one would you pick? 

You knew didn't you. Even if for only a second you leaned slightly towards one over the other. 

You see, when we begin to change the questions we ask our self we begin to clear the fog.  We begin to engage our faith and create space for problem solving and decision-making. 

(Which also produces confidence by the way.) 

My friend, I want to assure you, you have all the strength and resources you need to make the very best choice. 

All of the self-pity. The blame. The resentment. The anger. The overwhelm- It’s all optional. When we ask the better question the decision becomes easy. And we may even find a solution to make both choices work together. 

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. Still needing a little more clarity? Or have a question? Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com.

Quitting

How many times have you started something only to find yourself quitting it within a couple days or weeks. 

You were committed to start it, but then the work got hard and uncomfortable, or it got boring. The excitement for it dwindled away.  And so you quit. Or maybe you’ve been like me and justified quitting with thinking “this other thing needs my attention more”. Or “I don’t have time”. Maybe it’s “I’m just to busy”. We use these things to talk ourselves out of keeping our commitment and its so subtle we don’t even realize that’s what we are doing.

But then here’s what usually happens. There is so much discomfort so we know we needed to start, then it gets uncomfortable so we stop. But then after a few weeks or months we are back to feeling uncomfortable again because we want to do that thing or we want a change and so we start again. We just take ourselves in circles of starting and stopping. 

So here’s the thing, no matter whether we are doing the thing we want to do or not, we are going to feel uncomfortable. So we may as well just keep going so at last we will end up with something worth having and to show ourselves for being uncomfortable. 

We always return to the ache in our heart to start again and so

the quitting slows us down. 

Our brains like to seek pleasure, avoid pain and expended as little energy as possible.  Quitting helps us do just that. There is relief in quitting- that relief brings us pleasure. We won’t have to experience any of the pain from trying to do or learn new things. It takes energy to grow. So our brains would much rather us quit. 

If we are going to go in circles of starting and stopping how do we stop the quitting. 

It looks like this.

We decide quitting is not an option. 

We plan ahead of time so when we start to feel like we want to quite know that is the time to double down. 

You will achieve that thing you want, you will loose the weight, mend the relationship, set the boundaries, grow your business, manage your mind. When you take quitting out of the picture.

So go start and don’t stop until you get the result you are after.

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. Not sure how to apply this? Email me at leslie.canup.com I can teach you.

I See How Much You Care

I see how much you care about the people you lead. How it breaks your heart to see the things they are going through. So many things that are happening to them. You see their financial struggles, their health struggles. You see the effects of the broken relationships in their lives. You see the effects of decisions being made by them or for them. You see the pain in their eyes you know the hearts that are breaking. You see their suffering. And it’s weighing on you. 

In some places you know you have the answers for them if only they would be willing to listen or make the change. So it breaks your heart to see the unnecessary suffering they are going through. Then there are the things that are out side of anyone’s control that you struggle to understand. The why’s and the how’s. 

Why is this happening to them. 

How can this be happening to them. 

I see that weight you carry for them. I see how much you care. I see how heavy your heart is for them. They are in pain and you see them suffer. Then you are in pain and beginning to think it shouldn’t be this way. You begin to suffer with them. 

Dear one, let me tell you how I know this is exactly the way things are supposed to be for them.  Are you ready for the answer? Read closely….

I know this is exactly the way things are supposed to be for them, because this is the way they are. If it wasn’t supposed to be this way, then it wouldn’t be.  This is part of their human experience.

When you argue with what is by thinking it shouldn’t be this way or it doesn’t have to be this way. 

You never win the argument. 

Instead you will be using up so much precious and valuable energy. 

My dear friend, you can still hold their stories and love them and care for them and yet not add more suffering to the situation. Not add it on top of their pain and their suffering. Not add the weight of their story to the weight of your own. 

How you ask? By making peace with what is. 

Then, you can ask one of my favorite questions. 

How do I want to show up in this? 

What does the person you want to be in these situations look like?

Chances are you want to be a person of integrity. 

Someone who is intentional and thoughtful with their words. 

Someone they can turn to.

Someone that can offer solutions when/if they ask for help.

Someone who prays with or for them. 

You cannot be this person very well or for very long when you are suffering along side of them by thinking it shouldn’t be this way. Instead you can choose to believe that there is purpose in the pain. That it is all working together for their good. You can come along side of them. You can have compassion for them. You can love on them. You can pray for them. You can guide them. You can do all these things and not suffer with them. 

Yea, I see how much you care about the people in your life and I know they are better because of it. 

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S.  When you learn this skill you will protect your heart and mind. You'll increase your energy and have so much more clarity. This is what self-care looks like. If you want to learn how to do it in real life. Email me now at leslie.canup@gmail.com. I can teach you.

Before and After

Before and After’s are amazing aren’t they. We love to see where people have started and then their end result. We love the transformation. That’s why shows like Fixer Upper, What Not to Wear or for the guys Pimp My Ride. Are so captivating to us. To see how the abandoned, the unloved, the less than appealing, the wallflower all turn into a picture of beauty. Showing the hidden jewel that was with in. 

We love to see those Before and After’s side by side. Think about all the weight-loss stories we love to see. Those Before and After’s photos right next to each other. It’s so exciting and inspiring. Right up until we try it for ourselves.  

You see we forget about the messy middle. We forget that there is a process that happens. There is a place in between the Before and the After. My peers and I refer to it as the River of Misery.  It’s that river that must be crossed in order to get to the after. It’s hard work. It’s uncomfortable. There are so many times when you want to stop.  But that river must be crossed to get to the other side. Did you know there is an actual process to go from before to after?  It looks like this.

• Your unaware of something needs to change. –This is the before
• Then you know there needs to be a change.
• Next you recognize after an event happens that it could have happened differently.
• Continuing on you start to notice when you are right in the middle of the event that it can be different.
• Then you begin to notice before an event takes place that you can direct the way it goes.
• Finally it becomes normal to handle things in the new way.- Welcome to the after.

When we put this into a real example it looks like this. 

• Over weight and unaware of why we over eat.
• Become aware the reason for over eating is to an avoid emotion.
• Over eat and then realize afterwards it was to avoid an emotion (boredom, sadness, loneliness, etc.).
• Notice in the middle of overeating that it’s because of wanting to avoid current emotion. Make the choice to stop overeating. 
• Notice before an attempt to over eat that it’s to avoid an emotion, feel emotion instead.
• Lost the weight. No longer over eat. Willing to feel an emotion. 

We just want so badly to get from where we started to the finish line.  But we have to go through the process. It’s unavoidable. Whether we are trying to lose weight, repair relationships, learning to set boundaries, following a dream. Recovering from a loss. There is always a river of misery. In that river all our messy things will come to the surface. But when we know this, we can turn the river of misery into a river of grace. We can have grace for ourselves as we learn new habits and retrain our brains to get to our after. 

So as Ryan from Home Sort always says “It looks worse before it looks better.”  (Side note, if you don’t follow Home Sort you totally should. They are 2 sisters sorting. They are real and they are funny. Oh and one is deathly afraid of cats.)

 Ok, getting back on track here.

Friends, Better is always ahead, not behind. So keep moving forward. You will get your after.

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. Do you have a before and after you would like to share? I would love to hear about it.  Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com. And if you want help with getting through your river of misery I just opened up 3 free coaching sessions. Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com put "my free session" in the subject line to grab yours right now.

Words Have impact

Words that have changed the way I see things: 

People are not against you, they are for themselves.- unknown

Every villain was a hero in their own mind.- unknown

We judge our selves by our intentions and others by their actions.- unknown

Things must grow beneath the surface before they spring forth in our lives.- Susie Larson

What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.- Morticia Adams

Be still and know I am God- Psalm 46:10

I don’t know what kind of man I would be if I where in his shoes. 

There is no hurry.

We spend a lot of mental energy solving imaginary problems-Kendra Adachi 

In a diverse world expect diverse views- jo Saxton

If God can love us unconditionally and forgive us of anything, isn’t it a little arrogant of us to withhold that love and forgiveness for our self?- Geri Gibbions

All great successes are built on a pile of failures- Unknown

Acceptance isn’t resignation-Michael j Fox

When you speak to the person you would like them to be, they have a way of becoming that person. Bob Goff

Doubt your doubt

Busyness is a state of mind. – Jody Moore

Worry pretends to be nessacary -

Comparison is I’m amazing and you are amazing.

Everything works together for the good.

Discomfort is the currency for our dreams.

Choose to deligate, delight or delete.

Many cross off their dreams instead of their excuses- Unknown

Hate breeds hate love Breeds love.- Unknown

As soon as you imagine something it becomes a possibility.- Brooke Castillo

The grass may very well be greener on the other side, but you don't want the water bill.

You are always right where you are supposed to be, because that is where you are. 

Do not confuse the command to love with the disease to please.- Lysa Turkeurst

No longer say “I can’t” instead say “I don’t want to.”- Stacy Boehman

Change “I don’t know” to “I’m figuring out how to.”

I love you with all my butt, I would say heart but my butt is bigger. - Unknown

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. I would love to hear what words have change the way you see it? Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com

Sometimes We Lose It

Sometimes we lose it. 

We try and try to be strong. 

Strong for our friends. 

Strong for our family. 

Strong for strangers even. 

Occasionally strong for ourselves. 

Until one day we aren’t. We lose it. We crumble under the weight we were carrying. Then we feel weak. We stop recognizing all the strength we had and only see the weakness we displayed. 

Have you ever watched the world strongest man competitions? I’ve seen them from time to time flipping through channels or when one of the men in my life are watching. I don’t really know a whole lot about it or any body building for that matter. But here’s what I do know. When I see someone deadlift 350lbs, and lets just say they lift it 5 times and drop it on the 6^th, and then they are no longer able to continue. I marvel in their strength. I am always in awe of their ability not their lack of ability. In fact they all at some point can no longer lift that same 350 lbs. In no way whatsoever would I even for a second consider that person weak because on the sixth attempt they couldn’t go any further. Even if they typically do more than 6 on the regular. No matter how strong the body builder, there comes a point where the weight becomes a struggle and eventually they just can’t do it any longer. When I see this I don't think they are weak. I still marvel in their strength. Are you with me on this?

Sometimes the weight we carry becomes a struggle until we no longer can lift it. And then, we lose it. We lose our patience, lose our temper, lose our strength in the moment. We yell at our spouse or other people we love. Maybe we dive into a half gallon of moose tracks ice cream or completely break down and cry. Then, we shame ourselves for what we have done. Pointing out to ourselves how weak we are. Not once do we stop to look at the strength we've had for the weight we’ve been carrying. We don’t stop to think about all the work we have done to increase our strength so that we were able to carry more now than we ever have in the past. 

No we look only at our weakness. That momentary lapse in time. 

We pile shame, guilt and blame onto that brief moment. 

That moment we were simply tired and worn. 

When really, we can choose to look at the load we were carrying and marvel in the strength we’ve had to come this far. We can replace shame, guilt and blame with compassion, grace and rest. When we do this, we’ll actually find we’ll produce more strength and lighten our load a bit. 

We’ll recover faster and lose it much less often. 

But how do we do this in a way that is effective and not pretend resting. (You know the kind. The laying in bed or on the couch for hours on the weekend calling it rest but really it’s ruminating and feeling sorry for ourselves.) Or doing the “I’ve had it hard I deserve ice cream” kind of way? 

We learn to manage our mind. That’s it. That’s the all it takes. It sounds simple but it isn't an easy feat. Learning to manage your mind takes work. It’s hard sometimes. But totally doable. Especially when you have the right tools to help. And it is so worth it. Are you not quite sure how ? That’s were you reach out to a life coach. They will teach you. They will give you amazing tools to use and show you how to use them so you can get stronger and lighten the load you carry.

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. If you are ready for a coach to help you with this or you just have a question email me right now at leslie.canup@gmail.com and I will show you where to start.

The One Question

There is one question I have always been 
asked about myself.

That question is "How do you have so much faith?" Until recently my answer has always been I just have a very strong belief in God. That answer didn’t always fall right with them. It was an answer that left more questions and more confusion. Yesterday as I was driving to an appointment, all of a sudden I understood how I have so much faith. 

You see, in this work I do we often talk about confirmation bias. When ever we think a thought, our brains then look to find evidence for that thought. And here’s the thing. We always find the evidence to prove it. Always. 

If you meet someone and think they’re amazing, you will find so much evidence as to why they are amazing. If you meet the very same person and think I don’t like them you will find just as much evidence as to why you don’t. 

Its much like when someone you know buys a red car. Now all of a sudden you see all the red cars. You see them on the freeway, on the side streets, in the parking lots and in driveways. You see the red on wheels everywhere.

So now let’s talk about how this relates to the question I’m always asked about my faith. When we are open to having faith then our brain starts to look for the evidence so that it can support that. So at one point I had a small thought that maybe I can trust a God that I've never seen. I began to unknowingly seek out evidence for why this is true. Based on the evidence I found my faith began to grow. So I begin to find more evidence and grow more faith. Then again more evidence and more faith The cycle continued. 

If someone where to ask me today, How do you have so much faith? I would say First I heard words about God and second, I was willing to think a small little thought, “Maybe I can trust a God that I have never seen.” 

So just the same as when we think some one is amazing we will find all the reasons why they are so amazing. Then we begin to think they are even more amazing.  Or when we think we don’t like someone we find all the reasons we don’t like them one bit. Then our dislike turns to hate. 

We can find all the reasons to have faith and we can find all the reasons not to. Personally I choose to find the reasons why I should. I’m so glad I did. I love that we are given the choice for ourselves. It's so much more fun to love someone or something because we want to rather than because we have to.

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. Want to explore this topic a little more? Let’s chat. Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com 

You are seen

I see you there. You are always showing up for others. Always willing to serve. Giving all of your self to them. You wouldn’t have it any other way. You live to make the lives of others better. The people you encounter always leave your presence feeling stronger and lighter than when they first came to you. You are the rock and the stronghold always speaking life to everyone you know. I see you there. The way others see you. They know they can come to you for anything. They trust your advice and your insight. They know they can count on you. You believe in their dreams no matter how wild or crazy. You give them courage.

I also see the you that no one sees. The one that crawls under the covers worn and tired. The you that worries that people will find out just how much you are falling apart. Worried for them to know you are barely keeping your head above water. Your mind racing and your thoughts of not enough. 

There’s not enough of me to go around. 

Not enough time. 

I need to do better. 

I shouldn’t have said that to her. 

I didn’t explain that well enough to him. 

I don’t give enough of myself to my family. 

I’m doing the very best I can, but my best just isn’t good enough. 

I’m not enough.

I even see the you that struggles to ask for help.  You desperately want the help but are afraid to ask because you think you are supposed to be able to do it all on your own. It feels, needy and vulnerable. And when you are brave enough to ask, you are cautious who you ask and who you entrust your story to. It feels risky to put it out there. So instead you pray to God pleading for him to send someone to help you. Someone who just knows what you need. 

Yes, friend. I see you. I see all of you. 

I see the rest you need for your soul.

The light you need in the dark.

The love you seek from another because you can’t seem to find it for yourself right now.

And I want to thank you, for your willingness to love and serve others. 

Even when you feel tired and worn. When you feel like you are about to fall into pieces.

I want you to know your sacrifices don’t go unnoticed. 

I also want you to know, it is ok to ask for help. 

Some things are so much more than we can handle on our own. 

I want you to know You are thought of. You are prayed for. You are loved.

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. We all need someone to hold our stories for us. To help us see the beauty of them when we don’t see it ourselves. It would be an honor to be that person for you. But should you not prefer me. That’s ok.  I highly encourage seeking out a coach certified by The Life Coach School. They are the best of the best. No other coach compares. If you are ready for someone to help lighten the load you carry. Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com. I’ll help you with the heavy lifting  

Must Be Broken

There are some days when all the world should feel right. The sun is shinning. The sky is the brightest blue you’ve seen in weeks. It’s not to hot and its not too cold. The trees are green. The grass is long. Birds are singing in the air. It all looks and feels perfect, and yet... it’s not. There’s an aching inside your heart. One you can’t seem to understand. It’s a sadness and you don’t know where it’s coming from. Is it a longing for something from the past? Or a fear of something from the future?  You can’t put your finger on it. 

Then this is when it begins to get worse. You begin to think, there must be something wrong with me. I should be happy. People around me are happy. I’m not. People around me are smiling. I’m not. People around me seem to have joy. I don’t. Everything around me is so good. The people in my life. The work I do. The house I live in. The life I live is so good. There are others in this world that would love my life. And yet I don’t. There is something missing. But nothing is missing. It must be me. 

Something is wrong with me. I must be broken. 

I’m here to tell you, you are not broken my friend. 

No. You, are simply human. 

There are days when life feels heavy. There are days when we can’t quite put our finger on why. There are days we long for something we can’t even describe. There are days when we feel pain. However, we do not have to add suffering to that pain. We begin adding suffering when we believe things should be different. When we begin to tell ourselves how we should be instead. 

Pain is inevitable and it’s unavoidable. 

But suffering, suffering is optional. 

Suffering comes when we try to resist the sadness. When we think it should be different.  Suffering comes from making these things mean something negative about ourselves. But as I’ve said here today and I’m sure you’ve heard it elsewhere before.

Pain is inevitable and it’s unavoidable. Suffering, is optional.

So how do we stop the suffering?  There is no way around it. We must go through it. We must be willing to believe that nothing has gone wrong here. Be even more willing to process and feel our emotions. Yuck I know. Believe me. If there was another way I would totally share it with you. Because I would much rather do something else instead. But there is magic in this willingness. Magic in the processing and feeling of it. We can still carry on and go about our day. The ache, the sadness, the pain it can come along to. 

I love how my mentor describes it about her anxiety. Some days it just stays with her, and she takes it along for the day like she would carry a heavy purse. I’ve helped some of you move your purse. I know you can carry a heavy one around. It’s like that. You know the weight of it. But it’s just there with you.

The magic that happens when suffering is gone and only pain remains is to be in that same day. The sun is shinning. The sky is the brightest blue you’ve seen in weeks. It’s not to hot and its not too cold. The trees are green. The grass is long. Birds are singing in the air. It all looks and feels perfect, and yet it’s not. When you carry the beauty and the pain. It somehow looks and feels perfect just as it is. There's possibility you may even find,

the pain gets lighter. 

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. Not quite sure how to process or feel your emotions? Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com. Type -no more suffering- in the subject line and I’ll send you a quick little worksheet to help you get started.