Dealing With Toxic People

There are no toxic people.

Say what?!

No really. It’s true. 

Often times we go around saying “I can’t stand being around them. They’re so toxic.”

But really, they’re not. 

I know your thinking “This can’t be true.” Or “she just doesn’t know so-n-so.” 

But really, it's true. 

So lets think about so-n-so for a moment. 

Is it your spouse? A parent? A sibling? An in-law? A neighbor? Maybe a co-worker? That one friend in the friend group? 

Think about the last time you were with them. Were they negative? Did they gossip? Were they judgmental? Did they have a lot of drama? Did you think they were a narcissist?

 Maybe they were all those things. 

Here’s a perspective that I want to offer you. You see, when we are around other people, the things they say and do really only bring out what’s going in ourselves.

When someone is negative we usually become negative about their negativity.

When they gossip, we usually gossip to others about how much they gossip.

When they are judgmental we are most definitely judging them for judging others.

And all that drama they seem to have, we get dramatic about how much drama they always have. 

I think this one is fascinating- we get narcissistic about them making every thing all about them. We want them to make things about us or the things we want to talk about. 

Think about that for a minute.

Do you see the pattern here? 

We actually think, do or become the exact thing we think is toxic about them.

Did that just blow your mind? Lets read that again and really let it sink in.

We actually think, do or become the exact thing we think is toxic about them.

There are no toxic people. There are only toxic thoughts. And those thoughts belong to us.  The good news is our thoughts are optional. Yep, we can choose to think what-ever we want. So when we are thinking someone is toxic, essentially we are giving ourselves the poison that we think they have.

So crazy right?!

So how do we stop giving ourselves this poison? By managing our minds. I know your thinking well that’s all well and good but what about so-n-so and the way they are behaving. 

My friend, we cannot control other people. If we could then I would totally teach you how. It just doesn’t work that way. So we let them be exactly who they are. We can however, control ourselves. We can manage our minds and set up proper boundaries. ( I will get into what a proper boundary is and is not in another post. )

So how do we manage our minds around these people? We think on purpose. We get intentional with our thoughts. We can also get curious. Get curious about why they say or do these things. Become fascinated with them. I will tell you it is really difficult to get upset or frustrated when you’re fascinated and curious.  

Try it. Let me know how it goes.

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. Need help managing your mind around so-n-so? Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com. Let’s talk it out.