I see you there. Stuck between that rock and a hard place.
You make hard decisions everyday for the people you lead.
But this. This is different. This is personal.
Your being forced to make a decision that causes you to pick between two of the most important things in your life. Perhaps even between two of the most important people in your life. You feel like your heart is torn. But you have to choose. You have to decide.
On top of the heartache overwhelm begins to set in. You start asking yourself How can I possibly make this decision? I have to decide and I can’t.
Queue frustration and irritation. The question then becomes Why does it have to be this way? Why do I have to be in this place? Why do I have to choose?
This frustration then begins to breed anger, blame and resentment. The questions turn to shoulds. The people involved should be more understanding. They should be helping me. They shouldn’t have been there. They shouldn't have done that.
By now the anger, blame and resentment directed at others then becomes directed at your self. I should have handled that differently and we wouldn’t be in this place. I should have seen this coming. I shouldn’t have allowed that to happen. I should have been stronger. I should have known better. I should be able to handle this and I can't.
Enter self-pity. Yep it’s right on time with thoughts like
I can’t do anything right. and
This. Is. All. My. Fault.
So there you sit.
With self pity piled on top of blame,
which is piled on top of resentment,
which is piled on top of more blame,
which is piled on top of anger,
which is piled on top of overwhelm,
which is piled on top of heartache.
The decision becomes so much harder to make.
You can’t think straight. You’re not sure which way to turn.
Your head just spins.
Yea I see you there in the middle of this difficult decision.
And here’s what I want you to know first and foremost.
You are loved.
Now, I want to ask you a question. Go with me on this. What if there was no wrong choice? What if there was no bad choice?
What if both choices had the very best outcome?
Which one would you pick?
You knew didn't you. Even if for only a second you leaned slightly towards one over the other.
You see, when we begin to change the questions we ask our self we begin to clear the fog. We begin to engage our faith and create space for problem solving and decision-making.
(Which also produces confidence by the way.)
My friend, I want to assure you, you have all the strength and resources you need to make the very best choice.
All of the self-pity. The blame. The resentment. The anger. The overwhelm- It’s all optional. When we ask the better question the decision becomes easy. And we may even find a solution to make both choices work together.
Love you madly.
Leslie
P.S. Still needing a little more clarity? Or have a question? Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com.
