Before and After’s are amazing aren’t they. We love to see where people have started and then their end result. We love the transformation. That’s why shows like Fixer Upper, What Not to Wear or for the guys Pimp My Ride. Are so captivating to us. To see how the abandoned, the unloved, the less than appealing, the wallflower all turn into a picture of beauty. Showing the hidden jewel that was with in.
We love to see those Before and After’s side by side. Think about all the weight-loss stories we love to see. Those Before and After’s photos right next to each other. It’s so exciting and inspiring. Right up until we try it for ourselves.
You see we forget about the messy middle. We forget that there is a process that happens. There is a place in between the Before and the After. My peers and I refer to it as the River of Misery. It’s that river that must be crossed in order to get to the after. It’s hard work. It’s uncomfortable. There are so many times when you want to stop. But that river must be crossed to get to the other side. Did you know there is an actual process to go from before to after? It looks like this.
- Your unaware of something needs to change. –This is the before
- Then you know there needs to be a change.
- Next you recognize after an event happens that it could have happened differently.
- Continuing on you start to notice when you are right in the middle of the event that it can be different.
- Then you begin to notice before an event takes place that you can direct the way it goes.
- Finally it becomes normal to handle things in the new way.- Welcome to the after.
When we put this into a real example it looks like this.
- Over weight and unaware of why we over eat.
- Become aware the reason for over eating is to an avoid emotion.
- Over eat and then realize afterwards it was to avoid an emotion (boredom, sadness, loneliness, etc.).
- Notice in the middle of overeating that it’s because of wanting to avoid current emotion. Make the choice to stop overeating.
- Notice before an attempt to over eat that it’s to avoid an emotion, feel emotion instead.
- Lost the weight. No longer over eat. Willing to feel an emotion.
We just want so badly to get from where we started to the finish line. But we have to go through the process. It’s unavoidable. Whether we are trying to lose weight, repair relationships, learning to set boundaries, following a dream. Recovering from a loss. There is always a river of misery. In that river all our messy things will come to the surface. But when we know this, we can turn the river of misery into a river of grace. We can have grace for ourselves as we learn new habits and retrain our brains to get to our after.
So as Ryan from Home Sort always says “It looks worse before it looks better.” (Side note, if you don’t follow Home Sort you totally should. They are 2 sisters sorting. They are real and they are funny. Oh and one is deathly afraid of cats.)
Friends, Better is always ahead, not behind. So keep moving forward. You will get your after.
Love you madly.
Leslie
P.S. Do you have a before and after you would like to share? I would love to hear about it. Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com. And if you want help with getting through your river of misery I just opened up 3 free coaching sessions. Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com put "my free session" in the subject line to grab yours right now.
