I know you don’t like to be unhappy.
You don’t like to feel bored, sad, hurt or unwanted or stressed. And so you try to do whatever you can to avoid it. Working late at night, so you don’t have to be at home and face rejection. Eating ice cream because ice cream makes everything better. Drinking a glass or 2 of wine or a couple beers to relax from all the stress of the day.
We try to avoid our negative emotions. We try to push them away. So we seek pleasure to avoid it at all cost. Really what we are doing is seeking a temporary pleasure, a false pleasure in effort to dull the way we feel. For some it’s overworking, over eating, over drinking. Others it may be Netflix, social media, porn, or video games. It could even be over exercising. It could be a combination of these together.
This is called buffering.
We buffer when we want to put space between our emotions and us or to avoid an emotion all together. Instead of feeling the hurt, rejection or stress we do something that we think will make us feel better. And may, for a fleeting moment.
Imagine an empty wine glass. If you were to tap a knife to that glass it would vibrate quite a bit. Now imagine you filled it with m&m’s and then tap it with the knife again. It wouldn’t vibrate as much because it’s full. This is what buffering does in our body.
Only more times the not, these things end up making us feel even worse afterward. We over work and spend less time at home giving us no possible chance for any connection which is what we really want. We feel awful for eating the ice cream and if we are doing it often enough gain weight which makes us feel worse. We don’t like the way we feel after drinking, we feel dehydrated and end up with headaches. We spend more time in front of a screen and get nothing accomplished then we feel behind and disorganized.
We shame ourselves on top of everything. And once this activity is over, we still have the original feeling we were trying to avoid in the first place piled under all the negative side effects.
So how do we fix this you ask? We learn how to feel our emotions.
I know, I know. I just heard the hard exhale of yours. That doesn’t sound fun. And who wants to feel emotions anyway? I have to tell you friend. This is the best thing you can ever learn how to do. When you discover the worst thing that can happen is an emotion in your body and you know how to handle any emotion. Everything changes. You have more confidence and strength. You can work through anything and you will get more done.
So how do I do it? I’m so glad you asked.
Ask your self what am I feeling right now?
Where do I feel this in my body?
Is it big or small?
Light or heavy?
Is it fast or slow?
Is it tight or loose?
If it had a color what would it be?
Learning to feel your emotions is so worth it. Go on, give it a try through out the week and let me know how it goes!
Love you madly.
Leslie
P.S. Have questions or want someone to help you stop buffering? I can help. Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com
