In Honor Of 2 Friends

One year ago, an ordinary day was anything but.. 

I sat on my couch, right in the middle of 2 worlds. 

This post is in honor of the 2 worlds I sat between 

and the women who lived in them. 

One was the joy of new beginnings and 

the other the sadness of the end. 

You see, 2 very dear friends of mine were busy rushing about numerous activities to prepare for the day ahead of them. One was preparing for her I do’s. She was getting ready to look into her (very lucky) beau’s eyes and make a beautiful promise of a future they dreamed about together. Exchanging vows of love with excitement and joy in their hearts. Waiting to hear the pastor say "I present to you Mr. and Mrs." All this while the other was preparing for her goodbye to her niece who was at the end of her cancer battle. With a heavy heart preparing for the travels back home. A future was coming to a close. She was waiting for the final phone call.

There I sat on my soft comfy brown couch curled up in a blanket by the armrest, on a cold Minnesota day in April. One moment texting sorrowful prayers, the next, joyful congratulations. My mind was confused. How could my heart feel so much joy for one person and so much sadness for another at the very same time. I also knew both these women well enough to know the Lord was with each of them in their day. That they both had invited him to be there. The idea that God could be in both these moments had me in awe and slightly perplexed. I guess I never really thought about his presence being with others in the way I was seeing it then, from the outside looking in.

I closed my eyes to soak in this moment. 

It was then that there was a whisper to my heart- 

Joy and sadness can coexist. 

I hold one close to my chest and bury them in the safety and comfort of my feathers while the other I let dance in the mist of my breath. 

Then I could see it. I could picture it all, like scenes in a movie. One nestled up against Him, head tucked down curled into the feathers, safe and protected. At the same time I could see the other dancing in His hand with the breath of God swirling all around her.  Even now on this day a year later, I close my eyes and I can see it all again so clearly. 

Yes, my friend. Joy and Sadness can coexist. 

They can coexist with out any guilt. There is no need to question if it’s ok to be happy during a sad time or vise versa. It’s ok to be both. 

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. Ladies, it is a honor to be a witness to your stories.

P.S.S. If you have a good bye, my prayers are with you. And if you are celebrating I send you Congratulations. I’d be honored if you would share them with me. Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com. And if you want a little help walking through either of these or making a little more sense of it all, let me know. I got you.

Things We Cover

Ok, so we need to talk about my toes for a minute. 

I know, I know. This is a topic that grosses some people out. You don’t like feet. I get it. I really do. But stay with me. 

Over the summer I walked in a parade to support of our school’s dance team. By the end of the day my feet were sore. Apparently I wasn’t wearing the right shoes, and my toenails were a little to long. The next day my two big toes had started to bruise under the nail. They hurt, pretty badly actually. I was starting to have trouble walking. Over the coming days my big toes looked uglier and uglier. 

Eventually the pain lessoned, but the bruises remained.

 So I went to my favorite nail salon to get a pedicure. I very rarely get my toes fully painted. But I couldn’t stand the way the nails looked so I picked out a fun dark blue polish so the bruises wouldn't show through and the manicurist began to paint away. 

One thing I have always loved about my body is my feet. I know I’m a little weird like that. But really, they’re little, they’re cute. With the freshly colored toes, my feet were back to lovely. Back to me. 

Only here’s the thing, bruises under your nails never go away. They can only grow out. So even though I couldn’t see the ugly it was still there. Even though I couldn’t see the evidence, my toes still hurt. 

They ached for a very long time. 

The nails began to grow and the polish needed to be replaced. Back to the salon I went. When she removed the color, there it was. I couldn't avoid it. The ugly and the pain were uncovered. 

We try to do the same in our lives. We get hurt and try to cover up the pain and the bruises so that we can no longer see them. But it still remains. It doesn’t go away. We try to pretend it’s not there, but as we walk through life we become tender to the touch, and wince with pain. At some point it’s all uncovered again so that we have to face it. We cover everything up so that it looks lovely on the outside, but yet, we still feel the pain on the inside. 

Here it’s been 10 months since the bruises appeared and they are slowly growing out, at one point part of one of the nails started to fall off. (I hear you gaging. We’re almost done. I promise.) I’ve had to tend to my nails. Clean them. Bandage them and take extra care of them. 

My friend, there comes a point when we have to do the same with our hearts and minds. We need to tend to them. Clean them. Bandage them. Take extra care of them. It can sometimes look a little ugly or unappealing but with enough time and patience, everything will come full circle and it will all become a distant memory. 

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. What’s the bruise you are trying to keep covered up? Do you need help tending to the wound? I’m here. I can show you the best ways to go about it. Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com.

The Things You (don't) Have To Do

I see your mind turning. 

It’s telling you all the things you have to do. 

Let’s take a quick minute and write down all the things you have to do. Go on, go get a piece of paper, junk mail, anything you can write on. And start writing down every single thing. All of it. I’ll wait.

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Ok, did you get it all down? The laundry. The meals. The work tasks. The family. The friends. Anything else?

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Now, I want you to look over that entire list. Does it feel like a lot? Does it feel overwhelming? Does it feel impossible to get done? How many of those things have been weighing on your mind now for a while? 

I have a secret I want to share with you. 

Are you ready? 

You don’t have to do any of it.

None. 

You could choose not to do laundry. Not to cook meals. Not to take care of those work tasks. Not to take care of the family or the friends.  You don’t HAVE to do ANY of it. You really don’t. Do you know there are people who don’t do these things? 

Okay so I know your thinking “What are you getting at here?”

When you look at all the things you think you HAVE to do it weighs heavy, and feels like you don’t have a choice in the matter. It feels like you are slave to your surroundings, slave to the needs of others, slave to your work. But when you can recognize that you have a choice in the matter. 

Realize that it’s all optional.

It changes e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. 

You don’t have to do the laundry. 

You are choosing to wear clean clothes.

You don’t have to fix a meal. 

You are choosing to feed yourself (and others)

You don’t have to take care of the work tasks. 

You are choosing to keep your job.

You don’t have to take care of your family. 

You are choosing to care for them because you love them.

You don’t have to have friendships. 

You choose to have connection.

Lets take it further.

You don’t have to drive the speed limit. 

You choose not to get a ticket.

You don’t have to pay your taxes. 

You choose not to be penalized.

You don’t have to work out. 

You choose to move your body.

Do you see the theme here? You really don’t HAVE to do anything. This is true for everything in life. 

One of my favorite things Tonya Leigh taught me is the 3 D’s.

Delete

Delegate

Delight

There are often things on our lists or in our lives that we can delete. We are doing them because we developed a belief that it’s a requirement. What things on your list do you want to delete?

The next thing to do is see what you can delegate. What are things that others can do? 

And finally, whatever is left, delight in doing those things. Even if it’s taking out the trash. Delight in the idea that your home won’t smell because you are taking out the trash. 

Yep, you don’t HAVE to do anything. You choose to. Own that choice and be proud of your self for what you are choosing to do. Do the things that are most important to you. Ask others to take care of the things they can take care of and delete all the rest.

You will have more time. More energy. More connection. More Joy.

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. I have opened 3 free mini coaching sessions. Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com to reserve yours. 

Thank You

I see you there every day. 

When it’s hard you are there.

When it’s boring you are there.

When it’s easy you are there.

When it’s exciting you are there.

When you are loosing you are there.

When you are winning you are there.

When you are tired you are there.

When you are rested you are there.

You encourage.

You empower.

You uplift.

You fight the good fight.

You do all you can for others.

You teach.

You continue to learn.

You continue to grow.

You laugh.

You cry.

You sometimes shake your fist at the sky.

You take the heat.

You take the praise.

You sacrifice.

You problem solve. 

You give.

You seldom take.

You make dreams reality.

You think outside the box.

You strategize.

You serve.

YOU        SHOW        UP.

You show up for your family. 

You show up for your Community. 

You show up for your career. 

You show up for the people you lead. 

You show up for all of the people you serve.

And I just want to say 

I think you are pretty amazing.

Thank you.

Thank you for serving.

Thank you for leading.

Thank you for being willing.

Thank you for being you.

I know, with out a doubt, the world is a greater place because it has you in it. Don’t believe me? I can ask around and report back to you if you would like. 

Yep, you’re pretty amazing. Incredible. Fantastic. Irreplaceable. 

You are thought of.

You are prayed for.

You are loved.

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. Thank you for showing up. I would love you to email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com so I can thank you by name. 

That Hard Thing You Are Dealing With

Thinking of you today. 

I know right now it’s hard. 

Quite possibly the hardest thing you have ever been through.

I know you struggle because you don’t want word to get out around what’s been going on in your marriage, with your kids, with your bank account. 

You feel like you are screaming out loud in your head and all that’s coming out is silence. You can’t turn to anyone. Because how could any body possibly understand. They all look to you when things are upside down. You are always the one that keeps everyone else together. But how right now? Your wondering how is it you can help everyone else manage their troubles, but yet here you are struggling to manage your own. Thinking no one will understand because to everyone else your life is perfect. It’s what they wished theirs would be. They don’t understand the pressures you have to keep it all together. They don’t understand the sacrifices you have had to make to be there for everyone. Now, those sacrifices have come back to haunt you. They are reminding you of all the should haves, the would haves, the could haves and the didn’ts. Guilt, shame and regret are the new normal for you. It washes over you daily. No matter where you are there is just no escape. You seek comfort in all your favorite places that used to bring you peace. But even there shame finds you. 

Dear one, I know this is hard. It all feels flipped upside down right now for you. I’m here to tell you, it’s going to be ok. This will one day become a distant memory. In the mean time I want to offer to you to choose your thoughts wisely. They are what will determine how you carry through. Take captive every thought. And run it through these questions. 

It’s it Right? 

(completely factual. Not up for interpretation. Completely neutral)

Is it True? 

Is it Pure?

I know you have so much pain in your heart right now. But there is no need to add suffering. They way we add suffering is by the story we tell ourselves about what is happening. We use the story to tell us how we should punish others or ourselves for all the wrong that’s be done. 

So maybe poor choices were made. Maybe it was over night, maybe it was a long time coming. But know this my friend. It doesn’t mean you or anyone else is a bad person. Chances are it was a choice of someone who was scared or lonely.  I’d like to offer you to consider it this way. When you do, you will move into compassion and love. That will change everything. 

You have some decisions ahead of you, you can make them out of guilt and shame and punishment or you can make them out of love and compassion. And love my friend, is always an option. It’s always the best option.

This thing right now, it doesn’t mean you are bad or you are good. It means you are….human.

Yea, I know this is hard right now. And that’s ok. 

You my friend, can do hard things. 

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. If you need someone to come along side of you through this hard thing. Let’s chat. Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com 

The Place Between People Please and No Ninja

I see you doing everything for everyone. 

Putting everyone else’s needs above your own. 

You’ve forgotten how to protect your time. 

Forgotten how to protect your purpose and your dreams. 

You are leading your people in your work, then you come home and continue to do for those you love. Only now, your starting to feel used and resentful. Feeling like your being taken advantaged of. 

So then you find your self going to the other side and shutting people out. Saying no to everything and everyone.  But that doesn’t feel good to you either and you start to get mad at yourself because truth be told you do enjoy doing for others. You think to yourself if only there was a happy medium. 

I have good news. There is a happy medium. There is a middle ground. It's boundaries. But not the way you may be thinking about boundaries. 

People often think about boundaries as having none, being what we call a door mat or a people pleaser to putting boundaries out that say you must behave this way around me or I’ll (insert threat). 

But here is what a boundary really is. A boundary is you your self knowing that if xyz happens the I will do this. A proper boundary is not an effort to control the people or things around you. No a proper boundary is simply allowing people and things to be exactly as they are and knowing what you will do in certain situations. 

An example would be if some one always asks you to take on a task you might try to people please and always say yes, even though you want to say no. Or you might swing to the other side and become a no ninja. Always telling them no because you are tired of being asked and 

you want to avoid it all. 

A proper boundary here would be knowing ahead of time. I am willing to take on x-number of tasks and no more. So I will say yes to the ones I know I can do and do well, while still maintaining my time and energy. 

This boundary allows the asking person the freedom to ask away as many times as they would like, and you know when you want to say yes and when you want to say no. Sometimes we may choose to state what that boundary is by saying thank you for asking I’m only going to take on 5 projects this month so I am going to be selective with which ones I do. Or maybe we don’t say anything at all. A proper boundary doesn’t have to be disclosed to anyone. It is simply there so that we know what we are going to do. 

As soon as you set proper boundaries with others, your relationships change, because you are always coming from a place of love. Others will start to notice that the things you do, you do more lovingly and with care instead of with frustration and resentment. 

When setting proper boundaries we remove any emotional attachment to the request. People get to be exactly who they are and we get to be exactly who we are. Everyone wins.

Setting proper boundaries is a beautiful thing.

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. For a free worksheet to help you identify and set your own proper boundaries around any person, any situation or anything, email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com put boundaries in the subject line.

This Time We Live In

I’m so thankful for this time that we live in. 

Last month as I traveled to a business workshop in Texas I sat next to a gentleman on the plane not much younger than my own dad. He is a farmer among other things. I learned much about the work he does. The strong daughters he raised. The wife he loved and respected so much that he was willing to let her go because that was what made her happy. We also talked about his Father. 

When he asked me what I do for a living, I told him I was a Life Coach and explained a little about what I do. He thanked me. That was when he told me more about his father. 

His father had severe depression. The farmer told me of the experiences he remembered growing up when his dad was at his worst. He told me about the electric shock therapy his father received not once, but twice. And how long it took him to recover afterwards. The farmer continued to tell me about how his father checked himself into a hospital when his grandmother past away. How to this day he has no idea what the doctor said to his father when he was in the hospital, but that once everyone in the family left town to go to grandma’s funeral his father went home from the hospital and was finally ok. From that day on his father was fine.

We talked more about mental health and all of the advances we have made since then. We talked about the work I do to help people handle the hard things that we can’t seem to avoid in this life we have. We talked about how some people naturally have the ability to handle hard things and how others can use the help to understand how to do it. We talked about how no matter who you are there is a point where we need someone to walk beside us. To help gives us direction from time to time and to love us through it all. 

Yea, I’m so very thankful for this time we live in. 
We no longer do electric shock treatment or lobotomies to over come depression and anxiety. We have so much more understanding. We may have a long way to go, but we have made so much progress. We have medications for those who really need it and benefit, we have techniques we can use that don’t do physical harm to the body, we have phycologists and therapists and counselors. And in my case we have coaches like myself who are trained in knowing how our thoughts create our feelings and so we can help bring awareness and teach people how to create new neural pathways in their brains so they can simply feel better. 

It is such a beautiful time to live.

Love you madly.

Leslie

P.S. Thank you Farmer. For your vulnerability and willingness to share. Thank you for permission to share your father’s story. 

P.S.S. If you have depression, there is no shame in reaching out for help. And if your just looking to feel better, for someone to come along side and show you how. Let’s talk. We can see if we are a good fit for one another. Email me at leslie.canup@gmail.com